In weakness you will find strength

There are still many days that I feel like the weakest person on the planet.

I think it’s in my DNA.

I’m weakened by my insecurities, my fears, judgements by others.

I’m guilty of being plagued by my weakening thoughts and if you’re someone like me, and I know there has to be others out there, these thoughts can be debilitating.

It’s taken me a long time to recognize that my weaknesses are actually helping me to find my strength.

Trust me, there are days I still struggle, days where I want to stay in bed, days where it’s almost impossible to stare at the reflection looking back at me in the mirror.

But,

Everyday that I’ve overcome the weakness of that particular day and made it to the next . . .

I’m building my strength.

I used to run 8 miles on the treadmill without blinking an eye.

Now I run 4 miles with what feels like lead legs.

My thoughts want me to believe that I’m weak but I run those 4 miles anyways

because . . .

maybe next week it will be 5, then next month it will be 6

and before you know it I’ll be stronger than I was before.

I’m not where I once was and there are so many reasons why that can make me feel weak, but the strength that I have found from feeling weak is something I would never trade.

I felt weak, but I did it anyway.

I felt weak, but I got up and faced the day anyway.

When you look back on those moments in your life that you felt so weak you weren’t sure you could take another step . . .

Feel the strength in knowing that you did.

We are all capable of greatness.

When you are feeling weak . . . do it anyways . . . it is only from weakness that we truly find our strength.

xo

krissy

 

 

My Story . . .

The road has been long

it has been winding

not straight.

I am no longer the person I once was.

There are pieces of me I miss desperately,

but mostly, they are parts I never hope to see again.

There have been lows . . . so low that at times putting one foot in front of the other felt like too much.

but . . .

There have been highs . . . so high that my belly hurt from laughing so hard and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

 

Life is no longer dictated by the number of miles I ran on the treadmill.

It’s no longer dictated by the number of calories I put in mouth.

My self worth is no longer attached to a size zero or an extra small on a tag.

My clothes are all a little too tight

and . . .

you know what . . .

I’m still here, I’m still standing.

There was a time not too long ago where I literally could not imagine living in this body.

If I couldn’t be a size zero . . .

I DID NOT want to be alive.

It pains me to even write those words but it’s the honest truth.

but . . .

I can write them because i’m here.

I can write them because whatever issue you are struggling with I’m here.

I’m here to tell you . . .

You can do this.

I’m here to tell you . . .

The ones that love you, truly love you

not for being perfect,

not for being the thinnest,

not for having a six pack or a thigh gap.

They love you for you.

Just how you are, right in this moment.

Perfectly Imperfect.

Friends . . .

I’m no longer half in this thing called life . . .

I’m all in.

xo

krissy

Lost but Found . . .

I have sat down at the keyboard many, many, many times to write this post.

At first it was too painful, maybe a little bit embarrassing.

But I’m ready.

The truth is . . .

I lost myself.

For 5 mths I didn’t recognize myself.

I forgot what it felt like to smile,

to feel happy,

to feel joy.

I distanced myself from those that loved me.

I pushed people away.

I felt I had nothing to offer anyone.

It was painful to see the reflection staring back at me in the mirror.

I questioned my purpose, I questioned my path. I questioned myself.

I cried.

I felt the pain . . . even when I really didn’t understand where it was coming from.

I sat with the pain for days, weeks, months and for the first time in my life instead of running from it, I really, really felt it.

I cried for never feeling good enough,

for never being that “perfect” girl I have always wanted to be.

I cried for the pain I have been carrying around about just how difficult it was to suffer from an Eating Disorder.

I cried for my failed my marriage.

I cried for the last 2 years and how difficult it has been to be on my own.

I never cry.

But I let myself cry.

And it was exactly what I needed.

I needed to recognize that as much as I want to portray that I have it all together and that I am a strong girl who can take whatever life throws at her . . .

Sometimes I’m just not.

And that’s ok . . . It’s more than ok . . . it’s human.

I’m in a good place now.

But I needed that time to be lost to realize that’s it’s ok to be lost.

Because it really is.

Sometimes we need to lose ourselves to find ourselves again.

I have found love,

my smile,

my laugh,

joy.

The path is not always straight but eventually we find our way.

I’ve missed this little space

but I’ve found my way back.

xo

Krissy

Grateful

Beautiful Friends,

It is about to be July 1st and I have a lot to be grateful for. . .

It is no secret that this has been a difficult year for me. I felt it in my heart that my 30th year was going to be my year . . . however, it certainly did not turn out the way I had imagined. Yes,  I’ve learned a lot. I’ve truly learned what it means to struggle, to feel lost, to feel uncertain, to be filled with fear. But I’ve also learned that regardless of all that . . . I am still standing.

I am turning 31 in 3 weeks and things need to be different. I am ready to take what I have learned over this past year and move forward. I am ready to focus less on my fears and more on my dreams. I am ready to stop worrying about the future and live in the moment. I am ready to give up the idea of “perfection” and embrace my imperfections. I am ready to accept love and give it unconditionally.

I am grateful for many things in my life . . . here a just a few . . .

Amazing Girlfriends

My FamJam!

Unconditional Love

Good Wine

Always being a dreamer

What are you grateful for?

xo

Krissy

Here I am

I’ve lost track at the number of times I have sat down to write a new post.

Truth is . . . I haven’t felt that I’ve had a lot to offer these last couple of months.

I want you to come here for inspiration . . .

And I’ve been lacking that.

 

Truth is . . . I’ve been struggling.

Struggling. . .

to accept myself and where I am in life,

to find the positives in difficult situations,

to wake up happy,

to trust that the universe has a plan for me,

to not need all the answers,

to be patient.

I haven’t been allowing life to flow. I’ve been overthinking everything.

I need to come back to what I know.

I need this blog and all of you to inspire me so that I can work on returning the favour and inspiring you.

So here I am, maybe a little weaker than usual, but here I am.

xo

Krissy

 

 

 

I am

I am . . .

A daughter;

A sister;

A friend;

An introvert;

Impulsive;

Stubborn;

A dreamer;

A believer in fairy tales;

Learning to love myself;

Feisty;

A work in progress.

I am . . .

Searching for the beauty in each day and each moment.

Searching for the joy that comes from simply breathing.

Searching for inner peace, for trusting that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

I think it’s so easy to get caught up in life. Get caught up in what we think we ought to be doing. In being the person that others want or expect us to be. We get caught up in wanting more, being more. We rush through life without appreciating what it really has to offer.

I want to S.L.O.W. down.

. . . breathe in the fresh air

. . . smell the flowers

. . . find the beauty in the smallest things

. . . dance around in my condo every.single.day

. . . sing like a rock star in the shower and car

. . . be kind to strangers

. . . hug my friends and family more

. . . be of service to others.

In an attempt to slow down and appreciate my surroundings, I’d like to use my blog as a way to capture every day beauty. Each day I’ll be posting a picture/image/video of beauty I have found during that day. This collection of images will serve as a great reminder to me of how truly beautiful life is. Please join me if you feel this will help you slow down and enjoy the beauty all around you.

xo

Krissy

What If . . .

I have always wanted all the answers.

Wanted that crystal ball to appear . . .

So that I could look into the future . . .

To know that I’ll be safe.

Taken care of.

Loved.

I want that certainty . . .

That everything is going to be ok.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have enough trust in myself.

Maybe it’s because I’ve always thought I had to look to someone else to find that kind of comfort.

What if . . .

I trust that everything will work out the way that it should.

What if . . .

Instead of worrying about the future I live for each moment and cherish the present.

What if . . .

I make mistakes, trip and fall and learn to pick myself up.

What if . . .

I become o.k. living with uncertainty and not having all the answers.

What if . . .

I give myself enough love to feel safe and taken care of.

What if . . .

I just stop worrying and start living.

I was reminded by a lovely lady, of something so simple, yet powerful.

. Life is Beautiful .

Through all of the uncertainty,

pain,

heartache,

doubt,

fear,

anxiety . . .

. Life is Beautiful .

No more “What If’s”  . . .  Today they become my reality.

xo

Krissy

Vlog #4 May Cause Miracles

Hi Beauty Queens & Kings!

Happy 2013! Enjoy my Vlog!

Edit: Please replace the word “joy” with “love” – I’m not sure why I was saying “joy”, I really meant “love” :)

Email at balanceisbeauty@rogers.com if you would be interested in starting up a book club or conversation (either online or in person) about either “May Cause Miracles” or “A Course in Miracles”.

Much Love!

xo

Krissy

Vlog #3

Hi Friends!

I have some fun new products to share with you! Hope you enjoy!

Side note: Yes I say “dessert” when in fact it is “desert” – should probably go back to Grade 3  . . .  what I’m saying in that section of the video doesn’t make much sense so lets pretend the product is called “dessert essence”. (It’ll make sense when you watch it . . . if you get that far!)

xo

Krissy