Lost but Found . . .

I have sat down at the keyboard many, many, many times to write this post.

At first it was too painful, maybe a little bit embarrassing.

But I’m ready.

The truth is . . .

I lost myself.

For 5 mths I didn’t recognize myself.

I forgot what it felt like to smile,

to feel happy,

to feel joy.

I distanced myself from those that loved me.

I pushed people away.

I felt I had nothing to offer anyone.

It was painful to see the reflection staring back at me in the mirror.

I questioned my purpose, I questioned my path. I questioned myself.

I cried.

I felt the pain . . . even when I really didn’t understand where it was coming from.

I sat with the pain for days, weeks, months and for the first time in my life instead of running from it, I really, really felt it.

I cried for never feeling good enough,

for never being that “perfect” girl I have always wanted to be.

I cried for the pain I have been carrying around about just how difficult it was to suffer from an Eating Disorder.

I cried for my failed my marriage.

I cried for the last 2 years and how difficult it has been to be on my own.

I never cry.

But I let myself cry.

And it was exactly what I needed.

I needed to recognize that as much as I want to portray that I have it all together and that I am a strong girl who can take whatever life throws at her . . .

Sometimes I’m just not.

And that’s ok . . . It’s more than ok . . . it’s human.

I’m in a good place now.

But I needed that time to be lost to realize that’s it’s ok to be lost.

Because it really is.

Sometimes we need to lose ourselves to find ourselves again.

I have found love,

my smile,

my laugh,

joy.

The path is not always straight but eventually we find our way.

I’ve missed this little space

but I’ve found my way back.

xo

Krissy

Comments

  1. Christine says

    Hi Krissy,
    This is my first visit to your blog, I came here through a very old OSG link and I’m glad I did. Thank you for your post, your openness and beauty in writing. Though I have not been here before, welcome home. It is clear that this is your home and I’m glad you came back. Welcome home.

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