Balance Is Beauty

“Lost touch with my soul, I had no where to turn, I had no where to go ~ Lost sight of my dream, thought it would be the end of me ~ I thought I’d never it make it through, I had no hope to hold onto ~ I thought I would break, I didn’t know my own strength ~ I crashed down and I tumbled but I did not crumble ~ I got through all the pain ~ I didn’t know my own strength~ survived my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive, I picked myself back up, hold my head up high~ I was not built to break ~ I didn’t know my own strength . . .

Found hope in my heart ~ I found the light to life, my way out of the dark ~ Found all that I need here inside of me ~ I thought I’d never find my way, I thought I’d never lift that weight ~ I thought I would break ~ I didn’t know my own strength”

(Source)

Up until now, I have not spent a lot of time discussing my struggles with my Eating Disorder/Disordered Eating. My main goal in starting this blog was to help inspire others facing similar struggles to know that recovery is possible. Not only possible, but more rewarding than you could imagine.

Having said that, I am not going to sit here and say that any of this is easy, or that it is not going to take time. I am not going to say that there aren’t going to be days where you want to bury your head in the sand and return to the comfortable arms of your Eating Disorder. I’m not even going to say that there aren’t days where I still struggle to be the loudest voice over my eating disorder. But I am going to say that health, happiness, life is not only possible but something that you deserve, for yourself.

The song lyrics above, are one way that help me get through the difficult times. There are days (today being one of them), that I listened to those lyrics over and over and over again. I have never had a song, touch me as much as this song has. The words speak to me so deeply. In the depths of my eating disorder ~I lost touch with my soul, I had no where to turn, I had no where to go ~ I lost sight of my dream, thought it would be the end of me~ I thought I’d never make it through, I had no hope to hold onto~ Even just typing those lyrics gets me so emotional because when you are so overpowered by an eating disorder you lose focus on every other aspect of your life. Hopes, dreams, goals you had for yourself seem so out of reach. The joy and happiness that you use to get out of life is replaced by anxiety, fears and self loathing.

As the song continues ~I crashed down, I tumbled, but I did not crumble ~ I got through all the pain ~ I didn’t know my own strength ~ survived my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive ~ I picked myself back up, hold my head up high ~ I was not built to break ~ I didn’t know my own strength~ Chills go up my spine as I read these lyrics. In life we will all have tumbles, for some it will be alcohol, for others drugs, some it may be a bad temper, and for others it will be an eating disorder (of course there are a million other examples). The point is, that although we may have tumbled, we have not crumbled. We are still here and we deserve to be here as happy, healthy, joyful people. We are the only ones that can make the decision to pick ourselves back up, we can call upon our faith, our loved ones, to help us, but in the end we need to want recovery and health for ourselves.  We need to know that we deserve happiness, health, joy, and love in our lives.

Finally ~ Found hope in my heart ~ I found the light to life my way out of the dark ~ found all that I need here inside of me ~ I though I’d never find my way, I thought I’d never lift that weight ~ I thought I would break ~ I didn’t know my own strength~ These words speak for themselves, every time I read them, they hit such a chord with me. Our friends, family, loved ones, all want recovery for us, want health and happiness for us. Of course support from family and friends is beyond necessary and so important through the recovery process, so please do not misunderstand what I am about to say. When you look inside yourself, open yourself up, maybe become a little vulnerable to your feelings – you will be amazed at what you find. You have the strength inside of you, and You have had it the whole time. You will find that light inside of you and find the way out of the dark.  We are all beautiful and unique in our own way and once we are able to look inside and accept ourselves for who we are, we will begin to realize just how strong and capable we truly are as women.

My goal is not to “cure” you of your Eating Disorder/Disordered Eating, but instead provide you with some strategies that have helped me along the way. In my opinion and for myself, recovery is an ongoing element of my life. Each and every day I need to focus on my inner strength. Some days pose more challenging than others, but now that I have found my own strength I am better able to handle these challenges.

Of course, I am not a Medical Doctor, so if you are struggling with an Eating Disorder please consult with your Doctor. I would be happy to help you in any way that I can, so please feel free to email me at balanceisbeauty@rogers.com with any specific questions you may have.

Well friends . . . this was definitely a lot heavier than my normal posts – I hope you enjoyed it and got something out of it, if I helped even one of you, my goal will have been accomplished

Have a wonderful Wednesday, and because I have ZERO pictures in this post so far, I will leave with a picture of my fur baby, who helps me in my recovery every day by bringing so much joy to my life

He has been sleeping under the Christmas tree on the fake snow since we have had it up! hehe

xoxo

Krissy